Leading Through the DEI Paradox: My Journey From Conflict to Connection

Why Retreat, Rebrand, and Resist All Miss the Bigger Picture

Introduction

There was a time when my name and Chick-fil-A CEO Dan Cathy’s name only appeared together in headlines filled with conflict. His public opposition to same-sex marriage clashed directly with my life, my community, and my work. For many in the LGBTQ+ community, his comments represented rejection, exclusion, and harm.

I was angry. I was hurt. And yet, I chose something different. I chose to sit across from him, not just once but over and over, engaging in dialogue that many people told me was a mistake. That dialogue eventually grew into an unexpected friendship—a friendship that did not erase our differences, but one that taught me the power of human connection in the face of division.

I return to this story often because the lessons I learned then are deeply relevant now. In 2025, leaders across industries face the DEI paradox: whether to retreat, rebrand, or resist as Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion initiatives come under fire. Shareholders push back. Politicians turn DEI into a cultural flashpoint. Companies that once championed inclusion are second-guessing their stance.

What I know from my own journey is that there’s no easy answer—but there is a way forward.

The Temptation to Retreat

The first option, retreat, is everywhere right now. Companies quietly shut down DEI offices, cancel training programs, and scrub diversity goals from their websites. Retreat feels like safety. It removes a target from the company’s back.

But safety comes at a cost. When leaders retreat, they send a message that resonates loudly with employees: You don’t matter enough to weather the storm. That message erodes trust faster than any public controversy.

When Cathy made his remarks opposing same-sex marriage, retreat is exactly what LGBTQ+ people heard. Retreat from our families. Retreat from our humanity. Retreat from us. The wounds those words left lingered long after the headlines faded.

Leaders today must understand that retreat is not neutral—it communicates abandonment.

Rebranding Without Abandoning

Then there’s rebranding. Many companies are shifting away from the acronym “DEI” and adopting terms like “belonging,” “culture,” or “inclusive growth.” On the surface, this can look like backpedaling.

But I’ve learned the power of reframing. Sitting with Cathy, I didn’t abandon my convictions, but I did change how I spoke about them. I reframed activism as dialogue, not because I gave up the fight, but because I wanted the fight to move forward.

Rebranding works the same way. If avoiding politically loaded language allows businesses to keep mentoring programs, leadership pipelines, and equitable hiring practices alive, then it’s not weakness—it’s strategy. Words matter. Reframing them can make the difference between survival and silence.

Resistance With Integrity

Of course, some moments demand resistance. When values are on the line, retreat or rebrand won’t cut it.

That’s why I admire companies like Costco, which have resisted shareholder pressure to abandon DEI commitments. They’ve chosen to affirm equity, even at the risk of criticism. Resistance is costly, but it builds trust. Employees know their leaders stand firm. Customers recognize the integrity.

In my own journey, resistance meant telling Cathy the truth about what his company’s stance meant to me personally and to my community. It wasn’t comfortable. But it was honest. Resistance doesn’t always mean yelling louder—it means refusing to compromise on dignity and truth.

Integration: The Quiet Strength

And then there is the fourth way—integration.

Integration is where real transformation happens. When DEI becomes woven into the DNA of an organization, it no longer relies on slogans or campaigns. It simply becomes how business is done.

Integration means:

Hiring processes that naturally reflect diversity.
Leadership pipelines that prioritize equity without needing a label.
Workplace cultures where belonging is lived, not declared.

That’s what my ongoing conversations with Cathy came to represent. They weren’t about one headline or a single agreement. They were about a slow integration of empathy and humanity into a relationship that once seemed impossible. Integration is less flashy than resistance, but it’s more enduring.

Lessons From My Journey

When I look back on my Chick-fil-A experience and forward to today’s DEI paradox, I carry a few lessons that shape how I think about leadership:

Engagement is courageous. Sitting at the table with someone you disagree with is not surrender—it’s strategy.
Reframing sustains the mission. Changing language or approach can preserve the work when opposition threatens to shut it down.
Resistance requires truth. The most powerful resistance isn’t the loudest voice—it’s the one that refuses to compromise values.
Integration is the future. Lasting change happens when equity is no longer an initiative but a norm.

These lessons are not abstract. They’re practical tools for leaders navigating the DEI paradox right now.

Why This Matters in 2025

The backlash against DEI is real. It’s loud. And it’s tempting for leaders to believe the easiest path is retreat. But retreat comes at the expense of people, culture, and innovation.

At the same time, we don’t need to choose between retreat and resistance as absolutes. We can reframe when language becomes a barrier. We can resist when core values are threatened. And, most importantly, we can integrate equity so deeply that it becomes inseparable from the culture of our organizations.

This moment is not about sensationalism—it’s about resilience. Not about headlines—but about humanity.

Conclusion

When I sat across from Dan Cathy, I didn’t solve all our differences. But I learned that even in the hardest conversations, progress is possible when we approach each other with honesty and courage.

That lesson applies directly to the DEI paradox of 2025. Retreat may feel safe but it abandons people. Rebrand may look cosmetic but it sustains the mission. Resistance may be costly but it builds trust. Integration, though quiet, creates permanence.

The paradox is real, but it is not insurmountable. What matters most is how leaders choose to navigate it—with fear or with courage, with politics or with humanity.

I believe inclusion will endure because humanity always endures. That’s what I learned sitting at a table that once divided me from my so-called enemy. That’s what I hope leaders carry into this moment: the knowledge that connection, patience, and integrity are the keys to navigating the paradox and building a future where belonging is not debated—it is lived.